The True Value of Self-Care

Self-care isn't selfish or indulgent, it's actually generous and responsible!

Self-care can reduce the burden of worry others carry in their concern for us as well as preventing and reducing illness, injury, suffering - and just plain missing out on the good things in life.

When we don’t make space for self-care, we miss the opportunity to listen to our bodies, hearts, minds and souls, to hear the truth from within. Self-care practice and support are some of our best investments of time and resources.

How can my self-care help others?

Wait, self-care sounds like the opposite of helping others! This paradox is one of the many wonderful ways Reiki stretches our minds to hold things that may seem like they don’t go together, finding new synthesis and harmony, dissolving conflict and tension. Let’s explore.

First, we literally feel better and have more energy when we take care of ourselves. No one’s a great caregiver when we’re flat on our back with illness or injury - and I’ve tried, believe me! But the really delicious reason self-care helps us to help others is that it’s empowering - for all involved.

When we model self-care, we give permission to others to take care of themselves too. We show what it looks like to value our self-worth, so they can too. We inspire others to join us because they’re not doing it first, or alone.

Our own self-care practices can be powerful medicine for others, even if that sounds a little backwards! Think about it in reverse.

When people see us scurrying around endlessly, dragging with exhaustion, never pausing to enjoy the moment, it affects them too, especially if they’re the recipients of our attention and care. They may feel guilty because they’re receiving and we’re giving. They may feel helpless because they need our support. They can feel devalued because they aren’t contributing like we are.

I'm not saying you’re responsible for other people’s feelings, or that everyone will feel the same way in a situation, but these dynamics are common - and self-care offers an alternative. We’ve explored how self-care isn’t just actions but attitude, and that’s something everyone can choose, regardless of their limitations. I’m also not saying it’s easy - changing our minds can be as hard as learning to walk again.

When we not only practice self-care, but also teach it, we’re empowering everyone! It may be as simple as consciously deepening and slowing your breathing when you’re around someone who’s tense, even choosing to yawn. It’s contagious! Try it and see what happens. Experiment with lingering a bit longer on a smile, holding their eyes along with the intention to really appreciate yourself and them. 

You can also be explicit, inviting them to join you in a moment of gratitude or a gentle stretch, a cup of herbal tea, a healthy snack, enjoying a glimpse of Nature through the window. You can tell them about your self-care practice, how it helps you feel better, how everyone deserves it, how simple it can be.

Helping people release guilt, self-doubt, self-criticism and other internalized oppression is transformational. We may not even realize what we carry inside our minds, hearts and bodies that weighs us down and wears us out. When we start with ourselves, we benefit everyone.

A word of caution: Don’t be too attached to results. The person you’re sharing with or modeling for may not get it, may not join you or appreciate what you’re doing. Then your best medicine for them, and for yourself  is respect, acceptance and compassion. That’s self-care too!

The more people who practice loving self-care, model it for others and include others, the more we create a world more fully alive, healthy and content. You can make a big difference!

Another chore on my endless to-do list?

I admit it: I make lists, long ones! I organize my lists and I categorize and prioritize the things on my lists. Sometimes I do it at 3 a.m. I’m also not suggesting this or bragging, it just works out that way sometimes. In fact, I’d prefer to sleep a solid 8 hours and then work on my list, but the morning begins with self-care (yes, before I even get out of bed!) and then the day gets rolling and  - you know how it goes.

However, I’ve come to regard my list-making time as sacred. I even give my to-do lists titles like “Blessings & Joy” or “Manifesting Prosperity & Success.” It may seem a bit ridiculous at first, but that’s kind of the point - changing the mindset of drudgery into empowerment, even enjoyment. 

I really do love the things on my to-do lists - well, most of them! And they always feel better if I put love into them. One of my favorite affirmations is “I love this work into being” and this applies to my self-care as well as my business and household.

Try telling yourself “I love my optimal wellness into being” and see what happens. If it feels weird at first, that’s telling you that you’re not used to looking at it that way, that you’re coming from some place other than love. If you say “I drag my optimal wellness into being” or “I shame my optimal wellness into being,” doesn’t that sound a bit strange? Noticing our habits and realizing we have choices can be life-changing.

So, not only is self-care not just another chore on the to-do list, the list itself can be part of your self-care! This may not make it any shorter - although it might. Is there anything on that list that doesn’t contribute to your wellbeing that you can erase?

Taking some time to think about how things get on to that list in the first place is a good exercise in self-care and living mindfully. If you want to learn more about clarifying your Vision and Intentions, then Manifesting them, join me for Manifesting Moondays every week, when we explore and practice this process with a unique 6-Step Protocol.

A really fun way self-care doesn’t make our to-do lists longer and more tiring is that it actually gives us energy! So often, when I take that break for a walk, a stretch, Reiki, meditation, journaling, a cup of tea or some other quick, healthy option, I get an epiphany when I’m not even ruminating on a problem - it just seems to suddenly solve itself!

When I come back to the tasks at hand, I’m usually refreshed, energized and feeling more enthusiastic. If not, if I’m feeling really fatigued, then the truth is that I need more rest. Occasionally, we can push through and get on with the to-do list anyway, but if this is our default everyday setting, we’re heading for burnout.

What’s the cost of not taking care of myself?

Have you ever ignored an emerging symptom and ended up sick for weeks or having an accident? Honestly, I have, and I think maybe we all have.

We don’t say to ourselves, “I want to incubate this virus and create the perfect environment for it to flourish so I think I’ll overwhelm my immune system with exhaustion.” Or, “I want to see how bad this sore back can get.” Yet, sometimes that’s how we act.

I don’t want to add blame and guilt to our already-significant stress load, just to point out that, at least sometimes, we do have a choice. Could someone else get their own dinner, or breakfast or pack their lunch today so you can sleep in or get a nap? Do you feel like you need to be at death’s door to say, I need a minute - or an hour - how about a whole day? Do you have personal time off that you could use, but you just don’t? Or do you set your own schedule, yet neglect to book sufficient down time?

You can weigh the risks and benefits for yourself and your situation: trading an hour or a day of self-care for a week or month of recovering from illness or injury, spending money on wellness instead of intervention, shifting your focus from struggling to wellbeing for yourself as well as others. Doesn’t the choice seem obvious when you look at it that way?

Yet it may not be easy or immediate. A life based on self-care and wellness instead of suffering requires practice and support. 

You’re not meant to do this all on your own, even though it is called “self”-care. It’s about you, yet you don’t exist in isolation. Just as your wellbeing and self-care help others, you can welcome guidance, education, experiences and supplies that others provide. You give so much, and in order for that energy to flow, to come full circle, you need to be willing to receive as well.

It’s also mutually beneficial to enjoy your self-care in good company. It feels encouraging to be among friends who are also working to shift their focus from straggling through long days to enjoying beautiful moments of vitality. When we create communities of wellness, we increase the wellbeing of all our communities.

Especially in these times of stunning increases in health care and health insurance, investing in wellness is more sensible than ever! Whether you look at it from a financial viewpoint or quality of life perspective, the time and resources you budget for self-care and wellbeing can pay off every day for the rest of your life. 

I’m looking forward to devoting a whole day to relaxing and celebrating wellness with others who are dedicated to deep healing and enjoyment on April 10 from 10-4 EDT, and I hope you’ll join me!

Register at www.essentialarts.net today, then look for special emails that will help you create your sacred space and get ready for a day of delights!

If you're new to practicing Reiki, or you'd like another Attunement, choose the Quickening + Self-Care Virtual Retreat Bundle.